


speaking my heart

by leiaswan



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Fluff, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Romance, Smut, What-If
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-12
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:02:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24147082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leiaswan/pseuds/leiaswan
Summary: Who would have thought that it would take an accident tragedy, a long lost love and a bottle of whiskey for Eddie and Buck to finally give in?
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)/Reader, Evan “Buck” Buckley & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Kudos: 50





	speaking my heart

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by the lyrics of Mike Water's song "Shiver"
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dWNo3YTwVRk

Eddie never knew this feeling until today. The feeling that your whole heart is cramping. That cold stab of jealousy is stabbing you in the chest like a knife. What he had heard from Abby so far was pretty much nothing. Buck was very secretive. He never liked to bring up the past with her. Until now since she stands before him and asks him with a desperate look to rescue her fiancé from the wreckage. Eddie tries to swallow the lump in his throat. Is he jealous of Abby? The woman who left _his_ Buck so long ago.

“Are you okay?”, he asks him but Buck doesn’t seem to hear his question. He runs away, and Eddie takes a deep breath. What the hell is that feeling? Definitely not a feeling that platonic friends feel for each other. The racing of his heart that he has felt next to Buck so far, the warmth that overcomes him when he watches him together with Christopher. These are thoughts he has always suppressed. That's not right, that's bullshit. Buck doesn't feel the same way you do. What would the unit think of you? He never thought he would feel like this. He wouldn't have let it happen at all. But should he now allow him to lose his best friend to that woman? He notices Abby looking at him frowning and suspicious. She seems to have noticed he looks at him a little longer than normal friends would.

The thought that something might happen to Buck scares the hell out of him. For minutes he has been hanging up there on the wall of the train trying to save this fiancé of hers. He should have seen it coming from the beginning, that Buck would do anything to save this man. There was no reason to discuss it with him. Buck is stubborn, and he liked that about him.

He's done it. The guy is saved, and Abby will probably fall around his neck. The thought of it makes him sick.

Buck comes running and Abby hesitates. She stays with her fiancé and turns briefly to Buck to thank him. Relief overcomes Eddie, he wouldn't know how he would have felt if the two had fallen into each other's arms. Who would have thought that it would take an accident tragedy, a long forgotten love and a fiancé for Eddie to finally admit his feelings for Buck.

* * *

Eddie sits on the couch and strokes Christophers back. “Is Buck coming?”, he asks curiously. “I don’t know, kiddo,” Eddie answers. He actually invited him to dinner but Buck is already an hour late. He's probably holed up in his apartment crying all over Abby. Stubborn Buck, why can't he just let that woman go? Eddie puts Christopher to bed and goes back to the kitchen to reach for the bottle of whiskey, which is half full in his cabinet above the stove.

He takes a sip and lets himself fall back onto the sofa. Of course, he feels stupid and naive for allowing his feelings for Buck.

One more sip.

He thinks about how there's no one else he'd trust more. Especially with Christopher. Chris looks up to him, Buck inspires him. He's his deus ex machina. Is it so wrong to fall in love with your best friend?

One more sip. The room starts turning.

The key turns in the lock and the door opens. Buck steps in and smiles cautiously. He seems as drunk as he is. He staggers towards him and lets himself fall wordlessly onto the sofa beside him. Their arms graze and a lightning bolt chases through Eddie's body, making him shiver. His body catches fire and he looks over to Buck.

“I’m sorry I’m late,” Buck says.

“You don’t have to apologize, I get it,” Eddie answers. And he really does. Buck loved that woman. What kind of a friend would he be if he was picking on him? Eddie doesn't know what to say. It's the first time he's speechless next to Buck.

Another sip of whiskey. Buck reaches for the bottle.

“I don’t know what to say, man,” Eddie starts and Buck pats his thigh, leaving his hand there a little bit too long before he pulls it away.

“I thought love is easy. But it’s way too hard. It really should be easy,” Buck whispers, putting the bottle to his mouth. Eddie watches his neck as he takes a sip. He looks at him from top to bottom and finally he notices how incredibly attractive he actually is.

You're drunk, Eddie, stop it.

He grabs Buck's shoulders to signalize him to look into his eyes. “It can be easy, Buck. You showed me that…” Buck frowns and looks at him bewildered. “….with Christopher, I mean,” he corrects himself before Buck gets suspicious.

“Thanks, man. I don’t know what I would do if you weren’t here.”

Buck opens his arms and pulls Eddie towards him. The two fall into a tight embrace, Eddie digs his chin into Buck's strong shoulders and grabs his sweater tightly as if he was afraid to let go. Buck pushes a deep breath out of his nose and moans slightly, then he pulls him closer, tighter, holding on for dear life. The hug is definitely taking too long to mean nothing.

“ _Kiss me_ ,” Buck whispers under his breath and Eddie flinches. Did he really just say that? Buck looks as baffled as he does and the two stare at each other wordlessly for a moment.

“I’m sorry, that was stupid. I’m drunk and wow, how did we get here?”, he stumbles over his own words but before Buck can get up and leave in embarrassment, Eddie grabs his shirt and pulls him in, pressing his lips onto his. Buck is startled and tense but after a moment of reflection, he relaxes, giving into the kiss. He opens his mouth slightly to play around Eddie's tongue with his and moans again.

_How did we get here?_

It doesn't take long before Buck pushes him back, leans over Eddie and takes off his shirt. Eddie wants to say something, but Buck shuts him up with a kiss. “Don’t say anything. Let’s not talk about it.” Eddie nods and lifts up his head, kissing Bucks chest. He feels Bucks hand wandering down between his legs, covering his growing bulge and opening the buttons of his pants. He’s shivering, shaking as he pulls them down.

“Do you really want this?”, Eddie asks, looking into Bucks red, alcohol-drenched eyes. Buck is just about to slide down when the light comes on and Christopher is standing in the doorway.

“Buck?”, he asks sleepily and both men jump up, trying to cover their erections with a pillow.

“Hey, buddy, yeah it’s me. I’m sorry I’m late. Go back to bed, we can watch TV tomorrow, okay?”

Christopher turns around and leaves the living room and Eddie covers his face with his hands. It was necessary to bring them back to reality. The two of them look at each other, both out of breath from what just happened.

“I’m sorry,” Buck then says, grabbing his shirt and rushing out of Eddies apartment, leaving him still wondering about the moment Buck decided that he was the one worth kissing. He still hears Bucks fast footsteps outside and he leans back to reminisce about how Evan Buckley decided to kiss him. Whatever happens tomorrow, tonight, even just for a moment, he was his and from that kiss he could tell, that Buck meant it just as much as he did.


End file.
